Title: I'll Be Damned
Author: scarletladyy
Pairing: Draco/Astoria
Word Count: 1,667
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mentions in passing of torture and murder
Prompt: "I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." — Roy Croft
Summary: The nights are cold and lonely, and sometimes, so are the mornings. If Draco isn't cheating, then where exactly has he been, because he swore he'd renounced the Dark Lord months ago, and he wouldn't lie, would he?
Author's Notes: Written for hp_canon_fest 2011. Thank you to my beta d_andru.

"You're cheating, aren't you?"

Astoria hadn't wanted it to come out like that; so blunt, so bold. She hadn't even wanted to say it at all, not wanting to believe it, but it was the only explanation she could fathom that Draco would be out late every night. Most days she was asleep when he crept in at Merlin knows what time of the morning, and sometimes, he wasn't even there when she woke up.

"No. I swear I'm not, Astoria. I wouldn't do that to you."

Draco says that, but Astoria doesn't believe him. The only times he'd ever been out so late and off so early was when he was serving the new Dark Lord, and he'd sworn that he'd renounced that months ago, after she'd threatened to end their marriage if he didn't. The stress of having a husband who was both a torturer and a murderer had worn too thin on her, and she'd finally given him an ultimatum: the Dark Lord, or her.

"Then why are you never at home? Why are you never here when I go to sleep?"

Just as she'd hoped, Draco had chosen her, and she figured it mustn't have been easy for him, stepping down from the Dark Lord's ranks. It must have been particularly painful, she thought, as he never mentioned it at all, and when she tried to bring it up, he shot her down. Regardless, she had got what she had wanted, and that was enough for her. Back then, anyway.

"I'm—I can't say."

Perhaps their marriage had never been meant to last, what with the Dark Lord's interference and now this. It just didn't seem as though there could be a happy ending for them. Sure, their marriage was a match made by their parents, but she'd thought it was a good one. In the several months before they were placed together, she and Draco had spent many days gallivanting here, there, and everywhere, enjoying themselves.

"It's Pansy, isn't it? It has to be. She's always after you."

Those days appeared so simple, but they'd soon got dark after they wed. Their engagement hadn't been long, two months, like many other Purebloods in their situation, and if they hadn't known each other before, they'd have been marrying strangers. But they did know each other, and though she hadn't quite loved him at the time; she knew she'd grow to soon enough, and that she did.

"Don't be ridiculous — you know full well I'd never go off with the likes of Pansy."

Of course, Draco says that, but Astoria isn't sure he really means it. She knew they'd had a fling back at Hogwarts, so there was history between them, and she'd swear down that Pansy still fancied him. Merlin, she didn't know how Blaise could stand her constant flirting; Astoria knew Draco would never put up with such from her. Maybe their marriage was a sham, but at least if it was, they both knew it.

"So tell me what's going on!"

Astoria's tone was more forceful now; she was getting impatient. She'd been waiting far too long for the truth, and now she'd finally got the guts to mention the problems in their marriage, she didn't want to be messed around. If Draco was cheating then they could get past it, but not if he was unwilling to share with her. No, there was no chance then, if he couldn't even own up when caught out.

"I'm still with the Dark Lord, all right!"

That sentence had been screamed at the top of Draco's voice; he was bright red in the face, avoiding her gaze, not wanting her scrutinising stare. And stare she did. So he wasn't cheating, that was a bonus, but he'd still lied to her for months on end. Months. And why? Astoria had always known her husband hadn't the stomach for the activities the Dark Lord forced him to do, so she'd thought he'd jump at the chance to leave his ranks.

"But... You said... I thought... Why?"

Astoria blushed as she found that she couldn't string a proper sentence together, too upset and emotional over the revelation her husband had just dealt out to her. But Draco of all people could understand that feeling, having suffered it many times at the hand of his Lord that he seemed so lovingly attached to. More so than her, anyway, for he hadn't left as she'd required.

"Do you really think it's that easy to leave someone like Voldemort? You can't just up sticks and go; it doesn't work like that."

Then it dawned on Astoria; he'd wanted to, but he hadn't been able to, and he didn't want to lose her. The fact that he clearly cared for her made her want to smile, but she was still pissed off and upset, and she wanted him to know that he couldn't lie to her and get away with it. That just wasn't on, and it certainly wasn't something she would allow in their marriage.

"Regardless, Draco, you shouldn't have lied to me. If you'd have just said you couldn't leave, we wouldn't be in this mess now, and I wouldn't have had months of emotional turmoil picturing you with Pansy fucking Parkinson!"

Draco looked taken aback by her response; she rarely admitted weakness, especially not when it involved other Pureblood women, ones she had to laugh with and be polite to every day, ones Narcissa insisted were her best friends, when all they really wanted to do was to get one over on her. Particularly Pansy, that cow had been on a scheme ever since she and Draco had wed.

"You pictured me with Parkinson?"

Astoria shrugged; it was her turn to look at the floor awkwardly, until she remembered exactly why they were fighting, and that her husband was still, essentially, a torturer and a murderer, sometimes even of people they went to bloody school with. And yeah, maybe it wasn't exactly his fault; he was forced into the situation, but dammit! There was no excuse for lying to her.

"You torture people, Draco. You murder them, and then you come back home and make love to me as if it's just an everyday job, as if you're a healer or a professor. That's not right. It's fucked up."

Of course it was fucked up, but so was the world they were living in. A world where, had she been a Mudblood, she would've wanted to throw herself off the nearest bridge. But she wasn't a Mudblood, she was the wife of a notorious hard killer, someone people crossed the street to avoid, and someone she would avoid too, if she were anyone else. But she wasn't, and she snuggled up to the man that many people lived in fear of.

"I know that! I know that. But I also know that I love you, and that there's nothing in this world that could tear me away from you. I'd be damned if I was going to let my service to the Dark Lord threaten us."

If there was one thing you could say about Draco, it was that he knew exactly what words to use and when to use them. But these words, he meant them, and Astoria could tell he meant them by the uncharacterised way they were dropping out of his mouth; without thought, without certainty, like everything else he said. Draco was a calm and collected man, always in control... except for now. Except with her.

"But you lied."

Astoria's voice was too quiet now, and she wasn't sure whether she was going to give him another ultimatum, or tell him that it would all be okay. Because would it? Would it really? She supposed the Dark Lord couldn't be in power forever, especially not with the resistance fighting so hard. And she did love Draco, more than anything or anyone, and she didn't want to lose him.

"I'm sorry. I won't, ever again. I won't. I promise."

And Astoria knew he meant it, because Draco always kept his promises. That was something she could certainly trust about him, and as she searched his face, all she found was desperation, and she knew she'd be the only person to find that there, as she was the only person he truly trusted with his life. If anyone else were to see such... weakness, as they'd put it, Draco would be fucked.

"Then we can move on from this. We can get through it. But if you ever lie to me again, Draco —"

"— Then we're over. I know that." Draco stepped forwards, taking her hands in his and nuzzling into her neck. "I may be a cold, calculated killer to the outside world, Astoria, but you... you know I'm better than that. You make me want to be better than that, which is why I struggled so much when you issued that ultimatum. I love you, and not just because of who you are, but because of who you make me."

Now Astoria couldn't help it, she let out that little smile that she'd been holding in for a good while now, the one that came out whenever Draco wove his magic words. The words he was so good at saying, and the words she knew he truly meant.

"I love you too," she whispered into his ear, smiling at the strand of hair that had fallen from Draco's perfectly slicked back hair. That was one of the things she loved about him, that he wasn't really a cool, calm, collected killer like they said. Not now, anyway. Right now, he was her husband, the man who loved her, and the man that would be the father of her children.

And right there and then she'd never agreed with him more; she, too, would be damned if she let the Dark Lord ruin their marriage. That was just one thing he couldn't have.